That substance abuse powerfully affects those close to the sufferer as much as the sufferer themselves should come as a shock to no-one. Those with addictive disorders are often largely consumed by the substance upon which they depend. Their worldview shrinks down to their next ‘hit’, and those they love become insignificant, pawns in their world of addiction, or faceless materials upon which to vent frustrations. Despite this, however, families have a tendency to pull together around an addicted member for a considerable period of time – often to the detriment of individual family members.
Pack Dynamics
Humans are pack animals, which means that we instinctively try to keep ‘packs’ together despite the effects of that pack upon individuals. We are programmed this way by millions of years of evolution – to be part of a pack means safety and security. To be alone is dangerous. This is why people stay in relationships or with ‘packs’ of friends even when they are clearly having a bad time with these people. Often, it is only when the opportunity to form a new ‘pack’ arises that we absent ourselves from people who have been causing us misery. The family unit is one of the strongest ‘packs’ around, and all too often the family will go to enormous (often subconscious) lengths to preserve pack integrity – despite the ‘pack’ being eroded from the inside out by the addiction. Family roles and dynamics become fluid, shifting and changing as the need arises, in a desperate subconscious attempt to keep the family unit whole. This is not a good situation. For children to grow up in this kind of environment is not only emotionally, mentally, and possibly even physically damaging, it also increases their chances of developing an addictive disorder themselves later in life .
Shifting Roles
Certain roles have been identified which may be taken on by family members in such a situation. These are by no means definitive, or exhaustive. Every family is different. All, some, or none of these roles may be recognizable within difference families affected by addiction. Moreover, the roles are not limited to one individual. They may be taken up and dropped by different family members as the need arises. However, these roles have been widely recognized within addictive domestic contexts, and are frequently used to help social and support workers learn about the kind of things to expect when working with families containing an addict. Needless to say, for the individuals involved this kind of shifting dynamic and adoption of roles which may be quite contrary to the person’s natural state can wreak emotional and psychological havoc. Nonetheless, family ‘packs’ have been observed to respond to an addicted member in this manner time and time again – even though individual members may not understand what they are doing or why they are doing it, and even though they may all be thoroughly miserable on an individual basis. Put simply, the ‘roles’ are as follows:
The Enabler And The Hero – The Enabler and the Hero act in the way they do out of love, but their good intentions pave the road to hell for both addict and family. The Enabler tries to keep everything together, cleaning up after the addict and ensuring that they stay as happy and healthy as possible. The Hero tries takes on extra responsibilities, and does their utmost to excel at everything they do. This way, they believe (often without knowing it) the family will be proven capable of continuing as it is. They do this because they love the addict and they love the family, but their actions allow the addict to continue as they are without experiencing too many adverse consequences. It’s ok to try and treat an addict with kindness, and it’s ok to do your best to keep a family afloat – but only if you’re not pretending (or allowing them to pretend) that there isn’t a problem.
The Scapegoat And The Mascot – The Scapegoat and the Mascot both deflect attention away from the problem behaviors of the addict, but do so in different ways. Surprisingly often, the ‘scapegoat’ and ‘mascot’ roles are interchangeable. The Mascot tries to artificially create a pleasant family atmosphere, and distract from addiction-generated conflict through joking, fooling around, and generally ‘lightening the mood’. The Scapegoat, meanwhile, suffers as a convenient frustration-vent. They may be dis-proportionally punished for minor infractions, giving family members someone to ‘blame’ for their problems while avoiding the major issue at hand.
The Lost Child – The Lost Child seeks to deal with the addiction by withdrawing from it. More than anyone else, the Lost Child may be aware of the problem, but is powerless to do anything about it. As a result, they retreat into their own world. They may be unresponsive, un-trusting, surly, and withdrawn with other children – their family experience has led them not to expect much from human interaction. The Lost Child is liable as a consequence to suffer from a lack of social development , and may well struggle with relationships later in life.
All of these roles are assumed as a way in which to keep the family going without having to confront the problem head-on. The best way to return the family to normal and let people gratefully resume their rightful identities is to uncover the elephant in the room, admit that someone has a substance abuse disorder, and start working on repairing the damage.
