Sex addiction is often the result of trauma and / or less than ideal attachments to primary caregivers early on in life. It may have been something that happened to you as a child or it could be a recent event such as divorce or bereavement. If you do suffer from sexual addiction, one of the most crucial steps to recovery is understanding what caused it.
- We develop coping mechanisms – sex addiction starts the same way as any other addiction – it serves as an escape from the underlying issues of the person suffering from it. The stress of trying to deal past or current events can make someone more likely to engage in harmful behaviors as they struggle to come to terms with what has happened.
- Circumstance – some psychologists believe that addiction is the outcome of our circumstances. For example, if you had a parent with a sex addiction, you will have been exposed to their behaviors at a young age and are therefore more likely to indulge in them yourself.
- It’s in our genes – some research suggests that an ‘addiction gene’ may exist which would explain why it tends to run in families.
- Psychological problems – addiction may also be related to psychological conditions related to impulse control. Some people are quite simply more impulsive than others which means that they’re more likely to put themselves in situations which could be dangerous or hurtful to themselves and others. Someone with low impulse control may give into an affair for example whereas a person who doesn’t have impulse control issues would be able to think the situation through clearly and stop themselves.
- Escapism – we all have ways of escaping from the realities of everyday life. Some, such as going for a run, venting to a friend or watching our favourite television show, are perfectly harmless. Others, such as drinking too much, taking drugs or indulging in destructive behavior, are not. Studies have shown that a large portion of those who suffer from sex addiction have suffered from some kind of sexual abuse or emotional trauma in their past. They may therefore actively seek out sexually charged situations in a bid to achieve the euphoria and escapism so often craved by those who are struggling to cope with trauma.
While understanding the causes of addiction is a very important part of sex addiction recovery, the first and most important step is understanding that you have a problem and need to get help.
You may think that once you have realized this, you will be able to overcome your issues yourself but if your efforts aren’t properly guided by a professional counsellor, you are far more likely to relapse. Unfortunately, addiction isn’t something that people can overcome themselves and you will need ongoing therapy and support.
There are a number of other practices you can adopt in order to aid your recovery efforts including:
- Form healthy habits – it’s hard to stop ourselves from doing something we enjoy, even if we’re not addicted to it. Overcoming sex addiction is no different which is why it’s important to find something to distract your mind so you’re not constantly thinking about it. Join the gym, see friends, get a new hobby, throw yourself into work, go travelling or do some volunteer work. As well as having something you enjoy to keep you going, you may meet some great new people who can act as a support network for you.
- Avoid temptations – avoid places, people and activities that may cause you to feel tempted to fall back into old habits. People you had sexual relations with, certain websites, movies and television shows you find sexually stimulating and particular venues should be avoided. No matter how far you’ve come in your recovery, if you’re having a weak moment, you might find any of these things too difficult to resist.
If you think that you may be suffering from sexual addiction and would like to find out about sex addiction treatment, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma and Addiction Counselling and we will be more than happy to help.
