We’ve been discussing the internal family systems model of treating trauma. We’ve discussed the “self” and the various internal parts of ourselves and how they relate to each other. There is a fragmentation that occurs within trauma victims, and that fragmentation drives the way they relate to other people, the world and themselves.
Therapy involves helping trauma victims to understand the way they think. In the beginning, it isn’t as much about changing behaviors as it is about coming to terms with their thoughts and emotions. The IFS model offers several exercises that can help, and one of them is becoming aware of inner family relationships.
Curiosity – The First Step
During trauma therapy using the IFS model, it is important for victims to learn how to become aware of their inner family relationships. This term refers to the way people relate to their inner voices, emotions and thoughts. Trauma victims – and really, people in general – have so many parts that they relate to, and quite often, they aren’t even aware they’re doing it.
Here are some examples of typical parts that a lot of people experience regularly. Sometimes they even feel oppressed by them:
There are many others, of course, but for trauma victims, experiencing any of the above may be seen as the norm. Most people who have lived through traumatic events may find it difficult to accept these thoughts, and they may want to get rid of them. But this is the wrong approach.
Instead, what would happen if trauma victims approached these parts with curiosity? That is the first step toward real healing.
Learning Compassion for the Various Parts
Approaching any of the above with true curiosity can be life-changing. It can result in compassion instead of contempt. Let’s take the last one on the list and use it as an example.
The need to care for others, but not themselves.
For many people with traumatic pasts, they may know that they are neglecting themselves and their personal needs. But because of that driving force to take care of others, they feel helpless to do anything about it.
This exercise involves looking at this mindset in a much different way. There’s no need for the individual to feel bad because they neglect themselves; instead, they should seek to learn more about this way of thinking, and without judgment.
It’s important to listen to this mindset instead of just wishing it away. If a person feels the need to care for others more than themselves, there could be a lot of reasons behind that. Perhaps they felt neglected as children and never want their own kids to experience that. Or they might see themselves as needing to rescue people who need it. There are also trauma victims who become more focused on reaching goals instead of on the people involved in them. In their quest to help, they end up neglecting themselves in the process.
Trauma Therapy Can Help
The IFS model of trauma therapy can be life-changing. By taking recovery one step at a time, trauma victims can learn so much about themselves and how they relate internally as well how they relate to the world.
I can help you if you are searching for a way to heal from trauma. Please contact me to make an appointment.
