Relational trauma (also called betrayal trauma) takes place when the person you love the most betrays you to the point of sending you straight into crisis mode. In some instances, the betrayal only lasts a short time before true healing begins to take place. However, that is not the case for everyone.
For the vast majority of those who suffer through relational trauma, the betrayal has long-lasting effects and they struggle to experience the relief they so desperately desire. Betrayal trauma can take on many forms, and they can all lead to serious emotional wounds, and at times, even symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
Rollercoaster Relationships
Many people who find themselves victims of betrayal trauma are those who experience intense rollercoaster-type emotions within their intimate relationships. Some examples of this type of relational trauma might include cyclical behaviors, such as:
- Enduring significant physical abuse and then receiving an apology.
- Knowing your partner is immersed in pornography, but he or she minimizes it by saying it’s “normal” and everyone does it.
- Learning about multiple affairs only to have your spouse ask for forgiveness and repeat the behaviors.
Such emotional cycles can leave the victim feeling mentally exhausted and abused. It is not surprising that so many develop PTSD and even serious health problems as a result.
The Curse of Repeated Trauma
When you first learn of your spouse’s sexual betrayal, that experience of relational trauma is extremely difficult to navigate. A single event, such as an affair or a one-night stand, can take months or even years to heal from. Unfortunately, the popular saying, time heals all wounds, is not as true as we would like to think it is. The reality is that it takes a lot more than time; healing requires effort, patience, and persistent determination.
Sadly, many relational betrayals consist of multiple events, not just one. For this reason, once you learn of your spouse’s betrayal and the healing process begins, receiving another disclosure can ruin every bit of progress you have made.
New disclosures delay healing, tear down any sense of safety you may have been attempting to rebuild, and cause serious, chronic, traumatic pain.
The Pain of the Postponed Reunion
Sometimes people liken hearing about a betrayal to quickly ripping off a Band-Aid. Once the disclosure is out, it is out, which means the healing process can begin. Yes, it hurts, but the assumption is that it will only hurt for a short time.
The problem with that way of thinking is that sometimes, emotional reconnection does not immediately or automatically take place. This can cause a delay in the healing process while simultaneously causing both partners to feel isolated and lonely.
Trauma Therapy Offers Hope
Nothing can compare to the pain of enduring your partner’s sexual addiction and its effects. Relational trauma is very real, and help is available to you so you can begin the healing process.
Trauma therapy offers you hope for a brighter, healthier future. Are you ready to take that step? Contact me today for an appointment.
