Research has shown that people rarely comprehend the impact that sex addiction can have on its victims. This includes everyone from family members and friends to professional therapists. This may come as a surprise, but the reality is that many trauma counselors label the partners of people struggling with sex addiction unfairly. This includes but is not limited to subjecting them to diagnoses they simply should not have.
As a whole, trauma therapists should strive to familiarize themselves with the effects on the partners of people with sex addictions.
What is the Theory of Collusion?
Many trauma therapists incorrectly view partners as “colluding” with their partners who struggle with sex addiction. This theory of collusion indicates that partners are ignoring their significant others’ behavior, and as a result, they are only allowing it to continue. In some cases, partners are even accused of colluding for the purpose of promoting it.
This theory is faulty at best, and collusion is rarely the case when it comes to sex addiction. When partners begin to suspect that something is wrong in their relationships, it is not always easy to find proof of any wrongdoing. Not only do significant others or spouses lie, but many become extremely good at covering their tracks. There are also times when partners have absolutely no idea that anything is happening at all. There are no clues, no hints, and no reason to suspect anything. The discovery comes as a complete shock. This is often someone they trusted completely and entirely — the person they believed they could rely on most — and never in a million years did they imagine that something like this could be happening.
Sex Addiction Victims Often Meet the Criteria for PTSD
In the book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, the authors state that research has shown that 70% of women impacted by a partner’s compulsive sexual behavior meet the symptomatic criteria for PTSD in response to having the behavior disclosed. This statistic is quite eye-opening, and it is certainly indicative of what most trauma therapists should be very well aware of – that discovering a partner’s hidden sexual behavior can be a traumatic event that places many women in crisis.
This fact is made even more clear when women describe their experience following their significant others’ disclosure. Many times, they use words and phrases such as:
· Like a repeated stabbing
· Emotionally shell-shocked
· A total violation
· Mental disorientation
· Like being raped emotionally
These and other terms are very destructive, and they are typically used by those who describe other traumatic events, such as natural disasters, losing a loved one, or surviving a terrible car crash.
Trauma victims often experience triggering events that bring them to a state of reliving the trauma all over again. Anxiety, feeling hypervigilant, and having flashbacks are all a part of the PTSD symptoms many partners impacted by sex addiction describe. It should come as no surprise that these and other symptoms can become so intense that they interfere with the victim’s daily life. As a result, coping is nearly impossible.
Trauma Therapy for Partners of Those Struggling with Sex Addiction
If you are a victim of this type of trauma, please know that you are not alone. Furthermore, you do not need to attempt to get through this on your own. You need a high level of professional support from a trauma therapist who understands where you are coming from, what you have gone through, and what is needed for you to heal.
It is possible to heal. Contact me today to make an appointment.
