Sex addiction recovery is long and complex. If you’re an alcoholic, you stop drinking. If you’re addicted to drugs, you stop taking drugs. Because sex is a normal and healthy part of a loving relationship however, lifelong abstinence is obviously not the goal.
While it may be beneficial to abstain from sex in the beginning of your recovery, ideally, you will go on to have a sexual relationship with your partner even if you currently have an addiction. Understandably however, this idea does make recovery complex because how do you overcome an addiction to something if you’re still doing the very thing you became addicted to?
The first thing you need to realize is that you cannot deal with this issue alone. Statistically, men are far less likely to seek help than woman are because society tells them that they need to ‘man up’ and get on with things. There should be no shame in getting sexual addiction treatment though. In fact, it’s crucial to your recovery and without sexual addiction counselling, it’s unlikely that you will ever beat your addiction.
With the help of sex addiction therapy, you will be able to identify what caused your addiction in the first place. Sex addiction is typically the result of trauma. Maybe you were abused as a child, have struggled to cope with a divorce or losing your job or perhaps you are struggling to cope with grief.
When we’re not coping with our emotions, we often turn to something to take our minds off it. Some people may become workaholics or obsessive about exercise whereas others could turn to addictive substances or behaviors to get the high they’re so badly craving at a time when they’re feeling bad about themselves.
As well as determining the underlying cause of your sex addiction, your therapist will also help you to realize and avoid your triggers. Going out with people who actively pursue one night stands, watching pornography and going to strip clubs are the more obvious traps but there are far less obvious triggers which you should try and determine. These may include feelings of guilt, having an argument with your partner or being told off by your boss. Any of these things might make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to seek out a quick high.
Rebuilding damaged relationships is another key part of sex addiction therapy. If you have a partner, they may have already left you, they may leave during your recovery or they may stick by you throughout the whole process. You may also have to re-build relationships with friends, family and colleagues as well.
Explaining your condition and that you’re getting help will help others to understand why you did the things you did. It’s important to remember that it will take time to build trust again, especially with your partner. Your partner will need time to heal and forgive you and this could take years. A lot of couples find marriage counselling very helpful at a time like this.
Finally, remember that recovering from sex addiction is an ongoing process that requires work. You will likely need therapy for a long time. Your relationship with your partner is going to need constant attention and you’re going to have to make the effort to avoid your triggers. The great news is however that with the right support, many people struggling with sex addiction go on to lead very happy, healthy and successful lives.
If you think that you or someone you know could benefit from sexual addiction counselling or you would like to speak to a sex addiction therapist, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma and Addiction Counselling for more information about the signs, symptoms and different treatments that are available.
